Automated Rejection

So the job hunt saga continues with an automated email from the Department of the Secretary of the Interior that said "you are not among the best qualified candidates." Hmm...my only thoughts as I skimmed through the robotic message of rejection were just disjointed fragments like "but...but I have a B.A." "2...2 years as...Peace Corps" "few years experience in office setting, clerical...can make copies and type...but..eh.." Oh right...I forgot to mention what position I applied for....wait for it..."Information Receptionist." All I want is a job that's respectable and will pay me enough to start living in D.C. that's it. So I figured getting into the government was natural, not my first love which is International Development, but I haven't had much luck in that area either so I'm looking at anything you don't need a master's degree for or 76 years experience before they even look at my resume. To be a little less harsh on myself this particular job inquired about experience dealing with Native American tribal leaders, of which I have zero. However, I'm culturally aware, culturally sensitive, and politically correct, these three things I wear like a badge of honor, I pride myself on these things and take them very seriously...I was a PEACE CORPS volunteer for JEEPERS sake!! When these rejections come in you just want to scream at the thing that sends them..."what...and I can't learn in about 5 minutes to manage calls on a multi-line phone system???" And for some postings I've seen it's actually one of the required skills listed. Not that I'm knocking the receptionist position by any means, I would totally dig that job right now. Has anyone noticed the b.s. that employers use to puff up these job vacancies to make them sound like the most important position in all the universe? I've seen a lot of it and it's getting old real quick. Since when do you have to have been an astronaut to be considered for a receptionist position??

"Incumbent must manage complex multi-line phone transmission communication space station fiber optic networking device" A.K.A...answer the damn phones.

Now, for those of you job seekers who have not experienced the delight that is applying for a government job I'll just fill you all in. First, by the word delight I mean chore and by "fill in" I mean rant until I'm purged of frustrations. Just going to the government website to browse the job vacancies for the first time is quite the effort. You have to be familiar with the government's language first of all, if not it's like reading pages of alien language where up means down and 2+2=5. For example, if you're just browsing casually and you come across a position that is of interest you click on the link, easy enough, so it brings you to a page with a bunch of tabs such as "general info" "duties" "qualifications" and so on. Typically I jump right into the qualifications part first because there's no point in reading through everything I'd have to do if I don't have the skills. So you click "qualifications" and that's where things can get scary because you might see something like "in order to qualify incumbent must have at least 1 year of experience at the GS-06 level of federal employment or a combination of education and experience to qualify for the GS-07 level" The first time I saw that I felt unnerved and agitated (2 of my least favorite feelings) because I had no idea what that meant and the amount of information that goes along with each posted vacancy is crushing. So you have to learn the special language if you're even remotely serious about the government, it's not quite as intense as say the "DaVinci" Code but be prepared to put in a little effort.

So if and when you're ready to make the commitment to apply for a job with the government you have to then learn the special process. And if you're craving a more bloated, bureaucratic, time consuming, redundant, and lengthy application process then the government is not just for me, but for you too...don't worry I'm not done describing this yet..will continue on..